Show Me the Meaning of Being in Love
by asa-chan
Summary: How did this happen, Naruto asked himself. Oh yeah, one day Gaara came up to me and said: Show me what being in love means... Sasuke wasn't very happy... SasuNaru, GaaNaru, AnyNaru Chapter five 34 done!
1. Show me how to love!

**_Show me the meaning of being in love_**

A Naruto Fanfiction 

_By asa-chan_

**Warning:** Shonen Ai, OOCness?, swearing, R, Humor and more 

**Pairing:** Gaara/Naru, Sasu/Naru 

**Disclaimer:** asa-chan doesn't own Naruto! Now you made her sad. 

**Summary:** How did this all happen, Naruto asked himself. O yeah, one day Gaara came up to me and said: Show me what being in love means.... Sasuke didn't like that one bit... I wonder why... Gaa/Naru Sasu/Naru 

**Note:** Sasuke is back in Konoha, Orochimaru lives, Itachi still wears his cloak, they are all now 16 and stronger. 

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"Bla" - Speaking 

_'Bla' _- Thinking 

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**-CHAPTER 1-**

_'How did **this** happen?'_ Naruto asked himself and sighed, crossing his arms. He was shifting his weight from one foot to another and was pouting. He was clearly uncomfortable, squeezed between a certain Sand Shinobi and a certain Leaf shinobi, with Gaara and Sasuke death-glaring at each other over his head. 

_'Why I am such a midget??? Why must I stand next to Sasuke and Gaara? Why does my life suck? Why must they hate each each other??? Oh yeah, Gaara proclaimed that I'm the one who will teach him to love.... But it seems, that Sasuke didn't like this one bit. Wonder why...., but it was really amusing seeing his eye twitching like that.'_ Mused Naruto and glanced at a scowling Sasuke out of the corner of his eye. 

What? 

You want to know about that incident, with Gaara??? With flashbacks? Man, readers are always so bossy...., and you also want every detail? Ché, all are sodding perverts here, like Kakashi-sensei, I bet you're all reading Icha Icha Paradise! Dammit, stop glaring at me!!!! 

And please, Gaara/Naru fans, refrain from asking **_the question_**. We didn't, okay!!! I'm a fucking holy virgin, who still didn't have a blowjob, or a cock up in my ass!!!! There I said it!! Are you happy? 

Well, the Yaoi-fangirls sure are not. And no, it also didn't make out with Sasuke or anyone. What do you think I am? A bloody slut? A fucking whore?! 

Don't answer that. I may be blonde, I may be blue-eyed and I may be not the brightest, but at least I've got some pride and honor! 

And yes, Naruto, me, said those *gasp* oh so crude things!! Oh my, I never knew!! And I thought he was such an innocent and nice sixteen years old boy! 

What a bad bad world! 

I love sarcasm. Really. 

And yes, I'm uke. It's after all called Sasu/Naru or Gaara/Naru. Me, he submissive one. Surprising? Heh, does that bother you? What's up with you homophobics?? Are you scared of me, or what?? Scared of little, ugly me, huh? Do I disgust you? Damn you narrow-minded people, as every gay guy says: **TRUE LOVE** (and good sex) **CONQUERS ALL!!! **

Hell yeah! 

Yes, I'm gay. G-a-y. Homosexual. I'm into guys, cocks and BDSM, well not really, but it does sounds interesting... *cough* 

No wait, correct that, I'm bi. Why should I concencrate on one population, if you can have both? I do appreciate the females around here...., but I prefer men anyway. 

There goes my babbling...., and stop staring at me in that freaky way!! I'm the future Hokage of Konohagakure!!! You don't have to bring out the straight-jacket, I'm fine!! Not crazy, not delirious and not on crack!! This is my personality, so come and sue me!!! 

Not so brave anymore, are you? Suckers, is all I can say!!! Mwahahahaha!! I'm the best!!! Praise me!!! 

.... 

Stop raising your eyebrows like that. It freaks me out, okay? Damn, don't laugh. That reminds me, Gaara doesn't have eyebrows. But those rings around his eyes, he just looks like a cute Panda bear!!! Soo cute!! Ewwww, I sound like a girl. 

But still, he looks cute. I just want to cuddle him and.... Okay, I will stop before I gush you to death. 

Okay, you wanted to know what exactly happened? Listen up, brace yourself and read the dreaded flashback. 

**/Flashback/**

Everyone was assembled in the huge study of the fifth Hokage. With everyone I mean, the jounins and the chunnins.... Hey, there is Iruka-sensei!!! Damn, he didn't notice me. 

"Dobe, stop fooling around and pay attention!" Sasuke growled behind me, tapping his foot impatiently against the marble ground. Meh, someone has to get that stick out of his ass. Don't order me around, you were the one who betrayed the village! Stupid Sasuke.... 

"Okay, jounins and chunnins. I'm sad to tell you this, but somehow...." Tsunade started to say, but I really didn't listen to her and stared at the marble, yawning. Man, the old hag could be so boring, all was I could hear was: "Blah blah blah, yada yada yada, blah blah blah..." 

The ground was really fascinating, there was some dirt and there was a scratch and... 

Okay, what she babbled about seemed to be important, but hey, I was sleepy so I could drowse a little!! This is a free country after all!!! 

But after I heard these names, I snapped to attention. 'Itachi, Orochimaru and Kabuto.' 

Oh man, I really don't like all of them. Okay, I despise two oft them with passion. I only hate Itachi, but still ogle his body. Perverted me, eh? I have that from kakashi-sensei. Only Sasuke surpasses me in the hate-category, he just wants to kill his older brother, burn him, tear him to shreds, rip his insides out, feed his remains to the animals and resurrect him, to do it again. 

Yeah, Uchiha Itachi, Mr Freaky-red-eyes-and-wear-this-long-cloak-with-floaty-clouds-on-it and yes, he is the sexy as hell older brother of Sasuke. Ohh, I've to admit, he is a sex god with his long hair and the voice, but don't tell that Sasuke, I fear that he might kill me.... 

Then the son of a bitch Orochimaru, I mean, seriously Orochimaru? What kind of name is that? He is Mr Who-really-reminds-me-of-Voldemort-and-has-a-lousy-fashion-taste..., what, never read Harry Potter?? You've no edcucation, really. Of course, you can't forget his trusty sidekick Kabuto, aka Mr Ponytail-with-round-glasses. 

They are the villains, our enemies, the foes, the.. Oh, you know. The bad guys. Didn't Itachi have a sidekick too? That really ugly guy named Ki...-something. 

Now I got off the track again. Okay, so I was minding my own business, not listening, thinking about Ramen and wondered, if I wouldn't get to see Gravitation, you know, the important stuff. 

Suddenly someone whacked on the head, snapping me out of my day-dream. "What?!" I snarled, glaring at my attacker. And who was it? Of course Ice-bitch Sasuke Uchiha. Meh, sometimes I'm asking myself why I hang out with him... He can get really boring, whining about that and these, aka about his brother, acting like he was the coolest thing in the world. Sometimes, Sasuke can really suck. 

And no, you perverts, I didn't mean that in that fashion!! Geez, get your mind out of the gutter.., hentai..... 

"Did you listen to her dobe, or can't your peabrain comprehend what she said?" Sneered Sasuke. 

_'I hate him.'_ I thought, glaring at Sasuke. 

"No, I didn't listen. I had much more important thoughts to think about." I answered, trying to hold my temper in check. 

"Really." Said Sasuke, raising his eyebrow. 

"Yes." I sulked, turning my head away. 

"Then I think I'm right about assuming that you don't know that some Sand Shinobi are coming here, because the Leaf and the Sand village formed an alliance against Orochimaru and the Sound Village. And they are bringing their best Shinobis with them. That means Gaara, Temari and Kankurou are going to be here." 

I stopped dead in my tracks and whirled around, trying to see if Sasuke was trying to fool me. No, he was serious. 

Shit. 

"I've to correct you, Uchiha. We're already here." A new voice interrupted and we both turned our head to the direction. 

The room was already deserted, only Tsunade and Shizune were there, watching us. 

And above us, perched on the window, stood Gaara, with his gourd and panda-eyes, Temari and her huge fan and Kankurou with his stupid outfit and the puppet on is back. 

Double shit. 

"Gaara." I said, my body tense and reday to defend. Had he changed? Is he still the same?? Or did he get worse? Is he now a bubbly, squealy squealy boy who likes Sailor Moon and wears pinks clothes with red hearts on them?! 

Nah, I sincerely hope not.. 

"Naruto..., you know you're always bothering me." Gaara stated softly, his green eyes staring into mine. 

_'Was that a bad thing?'_ I asked myself. _'And how is that possible? Sand Village and Leaf Village are hundreds of miles away from each other... Is he a telepath?'_

"Really? How is that so?" Sasuke besides me was silent, but I could feel the dirty glances he sent Gaara. This was not good. Gaara was glowering at Sasuke, Temari's and Kankurou's faces were expressionless. 

"After you defeated me...", Gaara paused and glanced to the side , "I was pretty confused. You said things to me I couldn't comprehend, so I was searching for an answer, but I just couldn't find one, even after I asked nearly everyone and killed a few. So, I came to the conclusions that you, who beat me and had the same past as me, would be the only one who could show me what love exactly is. And I won't leave you alone until, you say yes. So Naruto, now show me the meaning of being in love." Said Gaara matter of factly and took my limp hand in his. 

_'What...?'_

I could only blink, and Sasuke seemed to choke on something, because he made some weird noises in the background. 

Out of the corner of my eye I could see a shaking Tsuande, a hand covering her face, her eyes closed. _'Bitch... This is all your fault.'_ A small snigger escaped her and she had to bit on her lip to prevent further laughter coming out. 

"Eh, could you repeat that Gaara?" I asked and scratched my head. _'This is a joke, yeah, this is a joke, lalala...'_

But Gaara ignored me and grabbed my other hand. Sasuke let out a noise that sounded like a growl. 

"I already looked up some information. I read, that when people love each other they kiss...." Gaara continued, not caring about a now laughing Tsunade, the snickers of Temari and Kankurou, or my horrified face. 

_'He won't...! Right?'_

But Gaara did. "Is that a kiss?" He asked and pressed his lips on my dry ones. 

_'Hey, this feels niceee~~~'_ My dazed mind thought and I was away in la-la-land, so I didn't protest, as Gaara pried my mouth open with his very niiiice tongue. Much to the displeasure of Sasuke. Who was now hissing like a very mad cat. 

Gaara broke away from the kiss, cocked his head and frowned. Then he hesitantly looked up and said: "I liked this..., seems to be okay." 

"Urgh..." I croaked and my right hand was touching my wet lips. _'God...'_

All I could do was to stare dumbly at Gaara. 

**/End of Flashback/**

That was what happened. Nice, eh? 

I'm Naruto Uzumaki, holder of the feared Kyuubi. 

Welcome to my life. 

**TBC...**

Umm, yeah I like Sasu/Naru more than Gaara/Naru, but my friends loves Gaara/Naru, so... Oh, that isn't interesting. I know they are Ooc, but i don't care. Please review? 

asa-chan 


	2. Naruto sensei's 101 Sex&Love ED Class

**Show me the meaning of being in love**

A Naruto Fanfiction 

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_By asa-chan_

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**Warning:** Shonen Ai, OOCness?, swearing, R, Humor and more 

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**Pairing:** Gaara/Naru, Sasu/Naru, Shika/Naru, Itachi/Naru, whoa I know many pairings, but asa-chan is a dirty, perverted thing and likes all those pairings... 

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**Disclaimer:** asa-chan doesn't own Naruto! Now you made her sad. 

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**Summary:** How did this all happen, Naruto asked himself. O yeah, one day Gaara came up to me and said: Show me what being in love means.... Sasuke didn't like that one bit... I wonder why... Gaa/Naru Sasu/Naru 

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**Review replies:**

First, I never thought that this fic. would become so popular! Thank you! 

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_Kellie:_ I'm flattered that you think my little ficcie is original! Thanks for the review! 

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_Luna:_ Alright, I will continue it! Here is the update! 

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_Kyuubi no Kitsune:_ You also like Sasu/Naru Gaara/Naru? That's good! Thanks for the review! 

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_Morien Aexander:_I've deciced it will be Gaara/Naruto. But Sasuke will also play an important role.... 

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_Anonymous: _Uhh, thanks for the review 

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_Nikkler:_ I'm glad that you like my fic!!! Here is the update!! Thankies!! 

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_Hyperactivator:_ Uh, please? 

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_Kuroi Hikari:_ Is he too blunt? I hope he isn't, but thanks for the review! 

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_LarkSpur2:_ It was entertaining? I'm happy! Thanks for the review!! ^^ 

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_Soccer*Mexi:_ I'm glad that my story caught your interest. Everyone seems to like Gaara/Naru more.... Of course I will e-mail you, if I need some ideas! Thanks! 

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_Oceana:_ It's on your favorites liest? I'm flattered! *blushes* Thanks fo the review! 

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_Iceheart19:_ Well, maybe I will draw the picture of that scene..... Maybe.... Thanks for the review! 

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_Abyss:_ Of course, Naruto is cute!! And everyone has a sarcastic side, juts look at asa-chan.... *coughs* I'm glad that you like it! 

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_Ninetials2:_ Update is here! Thanks for the review! 

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_Naruke:_ Thanks, I guess.... 

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_Little Leila:_ Leila! Meine Freundin! Heisst das du wirst beta-readen? Ich liebe dich!! Und nur das du es weisst: THIS FIC IS DEDICATED TO Leila!!! 

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_Draconnis:_ They aren't OOC? Well, they are now OOC.... I'm sorry.... *asa-chan cowers* 

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_Lady Dragon:_ Spoiler Alert: It will be Gaara/Naru, but before that, everyone will have a share of Naruto.... *cackles* 

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_Firedraygon97:_ I also love both pairings! Thanks for the review! 

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_RuByMoOn17:_ Ok!! Thanks for the review!! ^_^ 

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_Luna:_ Okay, here is the update! 

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_Kiina:_ Thank you, thank you!!! Nur ne Frage, in welchem Teil von Österreich lebste eigentlich? 

_Ookima:_ Really? Thanks you!!! 

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"Blah" - Speaking 

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_'Blah'_ - Thinking 

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**-CHAPTER 2-**

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**Naruto POV: **

Okay, please tell me why I was sitting here, in a stuffy old classroom with Gaara, trying to teach him how to love. 

Oh yeah. 

He asked me. Damn, have to stop being too nice to everybody. Heh, I'm such a good guy. But at least he caught me, after I'd fainted. Really nice of him. And that he persuaded me with dozen bowls of Ramen, made it a little more pleasant. 

He can already woo very well 

Damn, I'm such a sucker for Ramen!! A terrible (but tasty) weakness!! 

What?? ¬_¬ 

Hmph, his tongue didn't change my decision one bit! I'm my own man, a strong and determined person! I've the will of a real manly man, of a true shinobi!! Me, persuaded by a simple french kiss?? Don't make me laugh!! 

Haha!!! 

I'm Naruto Uzumaki, vessel of the feared Kyuubi!! I won't be swayed by those things! Never!!! 

Okay, I admit it, it was his kiss and the Ramen. Are you now satisfied? Geez!! 

Don't laugh. Meanies. Bah, I don't like you. Meh. 

Still, I have the difficult mission before me. I have to teach Gaara how to love. I mean, Gaara?? Who murders some unfortunate people without batting an eyelash? Yeah, I'm pretty sure he'd changed a bit, but he won't turn his personality 180° 

Naruto, you're such an idiot!!! Why did you agree to such a stupid deal?!! I'm caught between a rock and a hard place!! Why me?! Why me?! 

Great. 

Oh well, a man has to do, what a man has to do! And Gaara looks quite good, with his red hair, pale skin and those green eyes. Maybe I will finally lose my damn virginity!!! Wonderful world of sex, lube and orgasms, I'm coming!! Wait for me!!! Mwahahahahaha!! But work comes before pleasure. I hope Gaara is a fast learner.... 

Okay, okay, Naruto-sensei's: 101 Sex&Love ED class is finally going to start! Brace yourself! 

Why are you all running away, screaming? Oi, I'm not such a bad teacher!!! Man, cowardly chickens! All of you! 

"Okay Gaara, first I 've to teach you the theory, then comes the real work...., you know what I mean, right?" I asked him, after I'd adjusted my glasses and chewed on my pen. 

"Know what?" Gaara asked blankly, staring at me in that freaky way. 

"Sex. The hot, passionate, steamy, fucking like mad bunnies sex." I responded, nonchalantly cleaning my nails. 

"Oh, okay." Nodded Gaara and scribbled something on his notebook. Then he raised his hand and tapped his finger against his cheek. 

"Yes?" I asked, crossing my arms. 

"Is sex necessary in a...", he paused, "in a relationship?" 

I stared at him, eyebrows raised. "Of course, sex is necessary!!! Without any of it, every relationship is doomed!!! DOOMED, I'm telling yah!" 

Gaara nodded again. "Can we have some sex later?" 

"Of course." Came my answer, and he, satisfied, went back copying the notes from the blackboard. Funny, I thought, I heard some weird noises from the open window. Nah, has to be my imagination... Oh boy, that Icha Icha Paradise book Yaoi edition is really good!!! I never knew such positions exist..... Awesome--- I'm already drooling. Hey, that's my edition!! Nyah! Nyah!! Your grubby, dirty hands of Yaoi-fangirls won't get it!!! 

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**Sasuke POV**, (who is perched under the window, eavesdropping): 

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_'WHAT THE HELL?! HE AGREED TO IT?!'_

I peeked into the room through the open window and just saw the smirk on Gaara's face, before he quickly wiped it awayas Naruto turned to him. 

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_'You stupid moron!! Can't you see?! He just wants to use you as a fuck toy!! Do something! ARGH!' _- The hidden, hidden, horny and bold Inner Sasuke 

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_'And? It's not our business. If Naruto wants to be so naive, let him be. He is just his usual, dumb self.' _- Outer bad, bad, silent and cold Sasuke. 

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_'But I wanted to screw him first! He is a virgin!!' _Wailed Inner Sasuke, glaring at Gaara. 

_'_

_Fuck! You're right!' _Realized Outer Sasuke and cursed. 

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_'I'm always right, you foolish outer self! Now get your lazy ass moving and do something!' _Snarled Inner Sasuke, crackling his knuckles. 

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_'DUMB?! HOW DARE YOU?! I WILL SHOW YOU DUMB!' _Growled Outer Sasuke. 

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_'Bring it on!' - _Inner Sasuke. 

[So, Outer Sasuke and Inner Sasuke battled..., until Sasuke lost his balance and fell into the bushes below him] 

Gaara's thoughts, as he saw Sasuke's face disappear: _'Uchiha is an idiot.'_

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**Naruto POV:**

"Okay, here we go.First, how to recognize the symptoms that you love somebody, then I will teach you how to really love somebody. Okay Gaara, can you tell me what love is?" 

"No." Was Gaara's answer. 

"Well..., okay, can you describe me what you feel when you see me?" I asked, running a hand 

through my messy hair._ 'That is harder than I thought it would be....'_

"How should I put it in....., my whole body tingles pleasantly when I see you every time, my heart begins to beat madly, like it wants to burst out of my body, whenever I think of you, your sincere smile makes me feel so good and your carefree laughs remind me of the beautiful singing of a nightingale, your clear blue eyes let me think of the crystal blue sky in a warm summer day and your blonde hair is like the shining sunbeams..... And your full lips... I just want to taste them..." Gaara trailed off. 

"Gaara, did you read some poetic novels?" I inquired, while blushing madly, twiddling with my thumbs._ 'Stop blushing and acting like a silly high school girl! You're Naruto Uzumaki, future Hokage of Konoha!!!_' - Outer Naruto 

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_'But it was so cute of him!!!!'_ Squealed Inner (Girly) Naruto and the fangirls agreed. 

-------- 

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**Third POV:**

In the bushes, Sasuke gagged. He quickly turned around and had a kunai ready in his hand, as he heard some rustling behind him, also in the bushes. 

He stared directly in the white, pupil-less eyes of one Hyuuga Neji. Behind Neji were Shikamaru, Kakashi, Iruka, Kiba, Sakura, Ino, TenTen, Chouji, Temari, Shizune, Tsunade, Jiraiya, Gai, Lee, Konohamaru and Kankurou. All had guilty expressions on their faces, excluding the kunoichis, who were giggling and had camcorders in their hands. 

Sasuke's eyes widened a bit and he started to open his mouth, but was cut off. 

"Shhhsh!!!! Hissed male and female voices, pointing to the open window. 

"What are you doing here?!" Snarled Sasuke, pissed off. 

"The same as you. Spying on them." Answered Kakashi, one eye crinkling happily, patting Sasuke on the shoulders. 

"I wasn't spying." Sasuke snapped and slapped Kakashi's hands away. "It was useful research." 

With these words he turned back and he perked up his ears to hear Gaara's answer. 

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_-------_

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**Naruto POV:**

"Of course. I, after all, have to be prepared."Said Gaara, all businesslike. 

"... Okay...., that was nice of you Gaara. Now, I will show you the symptoms of how you recognize that you love or like somebody very much. First, jealousy! Jealousy shows that you, at least, are interested in that person. Jealousy can lead to obsession, which is a big No-No in a relationship. If you want to knowwhat obsession is, look at Orochimaru or at Sakura. Both are obsessed with Sasuke and won't leave him alone, but Sasuke deserves it. I think. 

While Sakura is the nice stalker, category 2# Mostly Harmless but be wary, Orochimaru is not. He is category 10#, not harmless and deadly danger, danger, danger!!! Stalkers are really a big turn off, so I advise you not to do it. 

But now, I will show you what (good) jealousy is! Neji! Shikamaru! Sasuke! Please come in!"I called and clapped in my hands. 

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_------_

In the bushes, said ninjas were raising their eyebrows, shrugged and left quickly. 

"How troublesome." 

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_------_

Haha!! I know that some of the dear readers are raising their eyebrows now, while asking themselves: What the hell, he wants to do with three of them, but you will see. After all, the dear author: asa-chan likes Yaoi [No Shit Sherlock!] and likes those pairings. She would have also invited Sex God Itachi, but alas there is a small problem. Sasuke hates Itachi's guts and more and vice versa. 

So, no Itachi/Naruto. She is very sorry.I'm too. Life really sucks. 

All popped immediately in the classroom, looking cool as usual. "What is it Naruto? I've to train!" Said Neji. 

Pfft. What liars. Do they think I didn't notice any of them. I am pretty stupid and oblivious, annoying and noisy, this is clear...., wait a moment, why am I insulting myself? That's Sasuke's and the villagers job. Anyway, the chakra of the Kyuubi allows me to hear some noises even miles away. Very handy. 

"This is annoying." Stated Shikamaru and yawned. 

"What is it dobe?" Asked Sasuke, in his usual detached and cool tone. Meh. Thinks he is the world's best looking guy, what?! Hah! You're wrong, stuck-up asshole! WRONG!!!! Mwahahaha!!! 

Hahaha!Haha. Ha.... ha.... 

Unfortunately, it's true. Damn that bastard, but he is good looking! Argh! 

"Hey Neji...., you know, you're not such a bad guy...., yeah, you tried to kill Hinata, but you were a bit off your rocker, I completely understand that, so, I've a favor to ask of you." I gulped and tried to avoid Neji's searching gaze. 

"And the favor is?" He asked, his eyes scrutinizing and his arms crossed. 

I prayed he would do it. 

"Hehe. Kiss me?" I asked, trying to smile my cutest and most adorable smile, hands clasped under my chin. 

Gaara's, Sasuke's, Shikamaru's, Neji's and the rest of the eaves-droppers eyes bugged and their jaw dropped. 

"WHAT THE HELL!" Shouted an enraged Gaara and sand poured out of his gourd. 

"See Gaara, this is jealousy! Watch and learn how to kiss!" I smiled and gently placed my own lips on Neji's ones and let them linger there for a moment, until I pulled away softly. 

Neji was staring wide-eyed at me, mouth gaping, looking shocked. Mhhm, he tasted like.... 

Chocolate and Strawberries..., yummy. 

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**Neji's mind:**

That was...., surprising, but nevertheless not unpleasant..... 

I never imaged that I would ever kiss Naruto Uzumaki. And he tastes just like spicy miso Ramen... 

Ohhh.... *cheesy music starts to play and the air around Neji becomes all bubbly and 

sparkly..., with colorful flowers and pink ribbons* 

Naruto's lips were like a blooming oasis in the hot desert, covering my own dry cracked ones, his kiss touched my quivering lips, like rain moistens the dried-out earth.... Uwah uwah.... 

I swore to myself, to never read any trashy romance novels again. Damn you Yuki Eiri!!! 

Damn you Naruto! Damn your tight perky ass!!! 

------- 

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**Gaara POV:**

[A/N: Stop trying to deny it Neji, we all know you have a thing for Naruto, after we all have read the last chapters of the manga!!!] 

*Readers nod* 

My nonexistent left eyebrow twitched madly and I tried to calm myself down. "Okay, I think, this impulsive act, I was making, is called jealousy, am I right?" 

Naruto nodded. "This is correct Gaara! You're a really fast learner, I'm proud of you!" He beamed at me, blue eyes shining. 

Ohhh...... *suddenly sparkling Shojo bubblesand blooming flowers appeared around Naruto, bathing him in a soft pink glow....* 

"Because you're all so weak, stupid and suck at kissing, I'm dumping all of you morons, only to meet my wonderful, strong and sexy lover, Gaara. You will never ever taint my pure soul again." Purred Naruto and kicked the asses of all the rivals, aka the whole male and female Konoha population. And now Naruto was running in slow motion into my arms, tears glistening in his eyes and. . . . I shook my head to dispel the vision, vowing never to read more Mills & Boone novels. 

"So Shikamaru, now it's your turn!" Naruto grinned and stepped up to the frozen boy 

"Eh?" He oh so intelligently replied. 

On Naruto's face appeared his fox-grin_;_ he yanked that pony-tailed guy down by his ugly green jacket and kissed him harshly on the lips. 

I decided, that I didn't like jealousy one bit. 

But the most terrible thing was, that Uchiha's turn was still open. 

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_I hate Uchiha. I really do._

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**TBC...**

Please review? asa-chan really likes reviews, because she is greedy. Make a small girl like her happy, ne? 

asa-chan 


	3. Let's talk about sex baby

**Show me the meaning of being in love**

A Naruto fanfiction 

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_By asa-chan_

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**Warning:** Shounen Ai, R, swearing, silly humor, OOC 

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**Pairing:** Main Gaara/Naru and much more..., Anyone/Naru 

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**Disclaimer:** Never owned Naruto, never will. Life sucks. 

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**Summary:** How did this all happen, Naruto asked himself. O yeah, one day Gaara came up to me and said: Show me what being in love means.... Sasuke didn't like that one bit... I wonder why... Gaa/Naru Sasu/Naru 

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**Review replies:**

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_Hikari no Yami:_ Not too jealous? Oh, but in this chapter, Gaara has so many reasons to be jealous.... 

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_Jiro:_ Here is the update! Thanks for the review! 

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_Sadistic Demon:_ Well, I just can portray them in a OOCway. Sadly. T_T Thanks for the review! 

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_Soccer*Mexi:_ You hate me? I hope you won't kill me for the cliffhanger! But please keep on reviewing! 

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_Iceheart 19:_ Maybe I will write her reaction in the next chapter? But I bet, she wasn't too flattered with the remark! Thanks for the review! 

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_Ninetails2:_ Of course a lot of people have the hots for Naru-chan!! He is just too cute! 

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_Rings Of Saturn:_ Well, they have to read something... And sappy romance novels are the best! Especially for bad guys 

like Gaara and Neji.... 

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_RuByMoOn17:_ Sorry, in this chapter there isn't the Sasu/Naru kiss, but you will have it! Don't worry! 

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_Luna_: Ok, thanks for the review! 

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_Kellie:_ Oh yes, Neji/Naru is sooo tempting! Here is the update! 

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_Nikkler:_ *huggles back* Thank you! I'm so flattered! I hope you will like this chappie! 

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_Gina-uzumaki:_ Okay, here is the next chapter! Thanks for the review! 

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_Ninetails2:_ Okay, okay, here is the update! Just don't die on me, k? *laughs* 

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_Love-chibis:_ Oh man, I think many will be disappointed by the lack of the Sasu/Naru kiss...., but don't fear! They will kiss! 

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_SW:_ Thank you, thank you! The ficcie is strange? Good! ^o^ 

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_J3n:_ I'm so glad, that my fic. made you laugh! Thanks for the review! 

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_Furor Scribiendi:_ Oh, my Harry Potter reviewer is back! You liked it? I'm happy! Thanks! 

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_Skittles the Sugar Fairy:_ Really? I'm glad! Thanks for the review! 

_Darkscythe 1:_ Ok, ok, here is the update! Thanks for the review! 

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"Blah" - Speaking 

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_'Blah'_ - Thinking 

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****

**-CHAPTER 3-**

****

**Sasuke POV:**

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_'Oh my god!!!! Naruto...., Naruto is a slut!'_ - Outer Sasuke 

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_'Haiiiiiyaaaaaaaaaaaa!'_ Screamed Inner Sasuke and kicked Outer Sasuke's head. _'How dare you? Calling Naru-chan a slut!!! I will defend his honor!'_

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_'Oww! What was that for?! And what's up with the endearment N-naru-chan?'_ - Outer Sasuke snarled, his cheeks tinted red. 

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_'Hah! I knew it!! In reality, you are just a big softie and you have the hots for sexy Naru-chan! And remember, our turn is still open!!! Then we can kiss Naru-chan!!! Ahh, what bliss!!'_ Inner Sasuke gushed, stars in his eyes. _'Just imagine, Naru-chan's soft lips, locked with our lips, then maybe you can grope a bit here and there and then we will know if our data is correct! Sadly, I can't remember our kiss.'_

[Yeeeessss, you heard right, my dear readers. Sasuke has knowledge of Naruto's garment size (Shirt, shoes, pants, underwear), on which side of the bed Naruto preferred to sleep, what type of toothpaste Naruto used, which cleaning supplies Naruto bought, and that he was right-handed. Sasuke didn't want to admit that so much information bordered on being obsessed with Naruto, but hah! Sasuke could only laugh about such irrelevant babbling! He just stalked, no followed!... followed Naruto, because he wanted to have as much information, about his teammate, as possible. You know, weaknesses and stuff like that. Yeah, that was it. No, Sasuke wasn't obsessed, no way in hell.] 

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_'Endless hours of cold sleepless nights, having to hide in bad smelling places, walking through the streets of Konoha at stormy wet nights.. Everything was worth it! Nothing was in vain! Now we know, what type of underwear Naruto prefers!!! Success! We rule man, we rule!'_ Inner Sasuke celebrated, throwing confetti around. 

[Yep, not obsessed. We can see it.] 

Outer Sasuke let a victorious smile slip past his stoic mask._ 'You're right. Mission completed! But still....., Naruto kissing Nara. I can't tolerate that.'_

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_'Hah!'_ Sneered Inner Sasuke. _'You just can't wait, you want to be the one kissing Naru-chan! Greedy bastard, but I'm with you. And if anyone comes in my way of getting to kiss Naru-chan...!!!! He will die in the most painful way!!' _Inner Sasuke ranted, shaking his fist. 

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_'Was that a threat?'_ Outer Sasuke raised his eyebrow. 

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_'No, a promise! Persons, who are in love or want to get laid, do everything for their object of affection! Anything! Rivals are to be executed!'_

--------------------------------- 

****

**Third POV:**

Gaara, Neji and Sasuke watched on, as Shikamaru and Naruto continued kissing. After two minutes Gaara had enough. He stepped up behind Shikamaru and whispered in his ear: "Continue and I will kill you!" 

Shikamaru shivered and broke the kiss, his cheeks flushed, lips swollen. "Pfft, you're not a bad kisser Naruto, but still you're annoying." Shikamaru drawled and turned away, walking towards the window and then he disappeared. 

Outside, he was assaulted by various female ninjas." Kyaaahhh!!! How was it?! How was it?!" "Did you French-kiss? Did you?!" "Did his breath smell like miso?!" "Tell everything!!! NOW!" 

Shikamaru's eyes widened and he backed away, sweatdropping. He looked at the older shinobis, begging silently for help, but when he caught sight of Iruka, Shikamaru paled. Iruka's eyes were closed and the muscle under his left eye was twitching madly. His teeth was bared and he had dozen kunais and shurikens in his hands. 

"Shikamaru-kun, you took advantage of Naruto-kun! YOU EVEN FRENCH-KISSED HIM! You pervert! Face your punishment!" Overprotective Iruka yelled, running full speed at a sweatdropping Shikamaru. 

"Gahhh!" 

--- 

In the room, Sasuke waited, his hands clenched into tight fists. His emotionless expression showed nothing, but his inner self was ecstatic. 

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_'Yeah!! Come on Naru-chan go and kiss me baby!! Don't be shy!'_ Inner Sasuke yelled, grinning. 

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_'But the scenario isn't right! We can't kiss here, it's too unromantic!'_ Outer Sasuke countered, brooding. _'It should be under the sunset, we kissing, Sakura-blossoms surrounding us, bird singing their last song for the day, wind rustling the leafs, the last sun-beams highlighting Naruto's blonde locks.....'_ Outer Sasuke sighed. 

Inner Sasuke: _'... Now, you're the one who is sappy. Your secret fantasy, eh?'_ He grinned. _'Well then, let's go!' 'Go where?!'_

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_'To the Sakura tree!' 'What?!'_

"Dobe...." Sasuke started to say and he looked towards the side. "Yes?!" Naruto asked, a puzzled frown crossing his face. 

"Let's go!" Sasuke said and grabbed Naruto's hand. He sprinted to the window, dragging Naruto behind him and jumped out. 

Gaara was seething. "Wait you---!!!" He jumped up and followed the pair, Neji right behind him. 

The room was deserted. 

Somewhere a door creaked and two shadows fell across the floor. The shadows vanished. And that was a pitiful attempt of mystery. Oh well. 

/Outside.... /

And under a blooming Sakura tree, with chirping birds in it, the pair stood. Sasuke glancing with an unreadable gaze at a confused Naruto, who was scratching his head, eyes closed. "What's up with you, jerk? Why are we standing under a Sakura tree? I don't get it..." 

__

_'Thank god.'_ Sasuke thought. 

"Anyway, let's kiss!" Smiled Naruto and brought his head closer and closer to Sasuke's. 

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_'Finally....., the only person who could destroy this wonderful moment would be Itachi, my bastard brother. But this won't happen, I'm sure of it....'_

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_'Noooo! You jinxed it!'_ Inner Sasuke yelled and shook his head, trying to concentrate on the future kiss. _'Only three inches..... Only two!'_

But then, two shadows fell across the pair and Naruto looked up. 

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_'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Only one inch! Only one!'_ Inner Sasuke cried, throwing his hands up in despair. 

In the bushes, the kunoichis cursed. Kakashi was also disappointed, he really wanted to see his students getting it on. 

__

_'Can't have everything, I suppose.'_ He thought. 

Sasuke also looked up and froze when he saw the two persons. As he caught sight of a black cloak with cute floaty clouds on it, he narrowed his eyes and hissed: 

"Itachi!" 

Naruto's eyes were wide and he tilted his head. "He just looks like a jelly fish" He said, crossing his arms. The stranger removed his strawhat. Naruto's jaw dropped and he gasped: "Itachi! Sasuke's sexy as hell brother!" The blond gulped and glanced at Sasuke, who was luckily ignoring Naruto. 

"Itachi!" Kakashi growled. 

"Itachi!" Gai said, clenching his hand. 

"Itachi?" Sakura asked. 

"Itachi!" 

Itachi smirked, running a hand through his silky locks. "Hehe, my fanclub." 

Kisame, the shark like man thingie sidekick smirked and threw off his cloak, creating a cloud of smoke. Everyone of the Leaf Village tensed and prepared for an attack. But their eyes bugged after seeing Kisame. 

He wore a bright pink tank-top with **_Itachi_** spelled boldly in silver letters on the front and had a short pink skirt on. 

Disturbing, I know. 

He was waving madly with his bright pink pom-poms and started to shout: "Two, four, six eight, who do we appreciate? Go Itachi, go, go, go! You're the man, the king, the master! You let all the hearts beat faster!! Go Itachi, go, go, go! We are your willing slaves and we will turn bright pink, when you do the magic wink! Go Itachi, go, go, go! Two, four, six eight, who do we appreciate? Go Itachi, go, go go!! Woohoooooo!!" 

Kisame stopped, calmly put the pom-poms away and put his cloak on. Now we know what his hobbies are. I think, we didn't have to know. 

Naruto sweatdropped, like the other Leaf Shinobis. Itachi smirked again and his red Sharingan eyes flashed. He flipped his hair over his shoulders, which was a really gay move, but hey, this is a shonen ai fanfiction, so gayness is welcome! 

****

**LOVE IS LOVE!**

"Itachi!" Sasuke snarled, all thoughts of kissing Naruto forgotten. "I will kill you, you bastard! You made my life a living hell! I hate you! I swore to kill you! I will have my revenge!!! I will kill you! Kill you, you hear me?!" 

Itachi stared off to the side, chewing on a bubble gum. "Yeah, yeah, you say that all the time. It get's boring after a while. Cut the dramatics Sasuke and get laid. You're really uptight." Itachi said, a smirk on his pale lips. 

Sasuke flushed in anger, while Inner Sasuke cheered. _'Hell yeah! Sex is the answer to everything!' 'Shut up!'_ Snapped Outer Sasuke. 

"Ohhhh, Sasuke-kun!" The fangirls of Sasuke cooed, their eyes flashing madly. "We are all ready for you! We're waiting!!! Sasukeeeeeeeeeeeee-kuuuuuuuuuuuun!" 

Sasuke ignored them, but a tiny sweatdrop appeared on the back of his head. 

Naruto snapped his fingers and said: "I knew, I was gay for a reason! Girls in love are really scary!" 

The male shinobis nodded. 

Itachi's eyes narrowed and he walked towards Naruto, a looming presence. Naruto gulped and took a few steps back, blue eyes wary. 

Sasuke's eyes went even colder. _'Itachi.... You won't get Naruto. Never! I will kill you!'_

And Sasuke had an angst-filled flashback, but I won't show it to you, because you know how Sasuke's flashbacks are. 

"Naruto-kun...." Itachi softly said and inwardly Naruto swooned. _'What a sexy voice!'_ He thought. "We are here to collect you. You don't have a choice, you are coming with us with us and if you don't, then..." But Itachi's dramatic speech was cut off, as the wind picked up and Itachi's cloak/robe thingie fluttered and let the rest see what he wore underneath. 

Which was nothing. 

"IIIEEEEEEEEKK!" Everyone screeched. 

"Hehe, it was very hot today, sorry!" He said, a sheepish grin on his lips. 

"You pervert!" Naruto shrieked, pointing an accusing finger at Itachi. "But I have to say, you're really well hung. Be proud. But if you are so stupid to wear such a heavy cloak on a warm summer day, then only god can help you!" 

Sasuke's knees hit the dirty ground and his eyes were wide in shock. "My brother is an exhibitionist...., I never knew....." His shaking hand covered his mouth. "All the time, I was oblivious..... Anyway, I will kill you! Prepare to die!" He snarled. 

"Sasuke, Sasuke," Itachi shook his head, "don't you ever learn? I have absolutely no interest in you now. All I want is.... Naruto-kun..." He whispered and stared at a blushing Naruto. 

"What?! Hey you girly-man, Naruto is mine!" Gaara yelled. 

The female ninjas sighed. "Lover's quarrel...., how cute!" 

"Pfft! Yours...? Don't make me laugh...., you raccoon! Naruto is destined to be mine!" Itachi said haughtily, red eyes mocking Gaara. 

Gaara narrowed his eyes and the sand started to pour out of his gourd. 

"Unloved boy-killer, what did you feel when you killed Yashamaru? Happiness? Sadness? Did you feel anything at all? Or did you feel so...., unloved? Knowing that nobody ever wanted you, to be a part in this world...., a burden, a failure, a born killer. Hated. Feared. Resented, despised by everyone. Look at you now, clinging to the small beam of light in your dark world, only relying on Naruto-kun. How weak, how pathetic, just like Sasuke..." Itachi smirked, as he saw that both boys flinched. "But I don't have time for you. Time is money and I have to convince Naru-kun to come with me." Itachi looked over at Naruto and winked. 

__

_'Itachi, you seem to have a death wish.'_ Naruto thought, shaking his head._' And this was a bit too angsty for a humor-fic. asa-chan is dumb.'_

"You...!" Gaara seethed. 

--------------------------------------------- 

Meanwhile, in a dark and dreary room, there was a man sitting on a throne made of old cardboard boxes, tapping his pale fingers against a cup of cold green tea. 

His dark red eyes shifted around and he was clothed in a black robe with silver trimming. 

We will call him O-chan! 

Before him kneeled a blond haired man, his masked face nearly reaching the ground. 

"Oro, uh, I mean, Voldemort-sama. You've called me. What do you want from me, my lord?" The masked man asked, head still bowed, a sign of submission. 

"Hehehehe. My dear Lucius, all I want is to see that Naruto-boy dead!" Voldemort-sama cackled, his bald head thrown back. 

"Umm, Voldemort-sama? Am I allowed to speak?" 

"Yes." 

"It's not Naruto-boy, he is called Potter-boy." 

"..." 

"..." 

"Oh..." 

"Uhh, Voldemort-sama?" 

"Yes?" 

"I really respect you and everything, but this is too embarrassing!" Lucius cried and threw his mask and cloak down, grabbed a pair of glasses and threw the blonde wig away from his head. Revealing long white hair. 

"But role-playing is too much fun! And I also had to make some sacrifices! I had to cut my beautiful, shiny, black hairin order to act as Voldemort! Don't be so selfish, Kabuto-kun!" Pouted Voldemort, or better known as Orochimaru, the maniac, the snake-man, the one who is has really ugly clothes and is fat around the stomach area. And the most terrible thing was, ....that he had no hair!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Aww!! Please try to ignore sobs of O-chan fans. If there exists one..... 

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_'I think greasy would fit the description better...'_ Kabuto thought, but didn't say his thoughts aloud. He knew that O-chan wouldn't have appreciated that. 

"But I mean, Voldemort and I are really alike. We both have obsessions with snakes, have red eyes, are powerful and evil!" O-chan stated, leafing through a book called: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. 

"And we both have old, but powerful coots as enemies. Thank god I got rid of Sarutobi. He was annoying." 

Yes, my dear readers they (O-chan and Kabuto) were acting as Voldie and Lucy! Tadaaa!!! 

"I'm bored Kabuto. Let's stalk Sasuke. I haven't done that for months. But I need my daily dose!" He ordered and got up. And promptly fell on his butt. 

"Orochimaru-sama!" Kabuto gasped, immediately running to Orochimaru's fallen side. "What happened?" 

"Oh Kabuto....! My muscles ache, my bones creak and my skin gets more wrinkly every day. You surely know the symptoms?" 

"No, I never heard of such an illness!" 

"You moron! I'm getting old!" Snapped O-chan, who was already over fifty years old. I think. 

Kabuto blinked. "Oh." 

"Oh, indeed. Let's go!" 

And the O-chan and Kabuto disappeared in a whirl of darkness and dust and dramatic music. 

"Cheap special effects!" Snarled O-chan. 

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama." 

------------------------------------------------------------------ 

And they promptly reappeared. On Kisame. 

"Uff---!" Kisame gasped, but was cut off, as a sandal-clad foot stepped onto his face. "Sorry." Kabuto smiled. 

"Orochimaru!" The Leaf Shinobis cried out, their eyes narrowing. Itachi just raised his eyebrow, looking cool as usual. "Orochimaru, what a surprise to meet you here." He said softly, folding his arms. 

O-chan gulped and hid behind Kabuto. "Kabuto!" Shouted Naruto. "Yes, Naruto-kun?" 

"You know, your name just sounds like the name of a Pokémon." Stated Naruto, grinning widely. "And Sasuke's Uchiha symbol looks like a Pokéball. I just noticed that. Hey Sasuke, gotta catch them all, ne? Ne?" 

Both Sasuke and Kabuto stared at Naruto for a long time, before their shrugged their shoulders. "Let's fight!" Yelled 

Naruto, bouncing around. 

"Naruto-chan, violence isn't the answer for everything." Itachi whispered softly in Naruto's ear. Naruto shivered. "How the hell did you get that fast behind me?" 

"I..." Itachi started to say, but was cut off. 

"VIOLENCE ISN'T THE ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING?!" Sasuke screeched. "SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU KILL MY PARENTS?" 

"Sasuke, Sasuke, don't be so egotistical. They were my parents too. And are you so forgetful? I already told you my reasons. And stop interrupting me." 

"YOU ONLY KILLED THEM TO TEST YOUR FUCKING STRENGTH!!! ONLY FOR THAT!! FIGHT ME, DAMMIT!" 

"You're such an annoying brat sometimes Sasuke. Like all younger siblings tend to be at one moment or another. But you're even not worth fighting. Such a weakling. But Naruto, I demand a price for an answer." 

"Oh?" Asked Naruto. 

"Give me the best lap dance and kiss of the universe. Than I will answer." 

"Hah! Naruto would never agree to it!" Sasuke shouted. 

"Naruto! Do it! Do it!" The fangirls screamed. 

"Yes! Do it!" Kakashi yelled. "Oww!" He moaned and glared at Iruka. "What was that for?" "Hmph." Sniffed Iruka. "Naruto wouldn't ever lower himself to such a level to gather such useless information. I mean, why would he want the answer of the question 'How the hell did you get that fast behind me'. It was just a special jutsu." 

"Okay." Smiled Naruto. 

The birds stopped chirping, the wind stopped moving, the water stopped running. 

The earth stood still. 

And now it should be night, but oh well, it's anime fanfiction. 

Life went on. 

"WHAT?!" Iruka, Gaara and Sasuke screamed. The fangirls and Kakashi high-fived. 

Itachi flipped his long hair over his shoulders and smirked arrogantly. "Hah! Take that you suckers!" 

Slowly Naruto began to approach an already drooling Itachi, and Sasuke couldn't believe the OOCness of it all, but then the author snapped her fingers and now Sasuke was angry again. Phew! 

Naruto sat himself on Itachi's lap, who sat himself on the ground and remember dear readers. Itachi is still naked under the cloak/robe thingie. A horrified expression crossed Sasuke's face. Hmm, it seems this thought arrived at Sasuke's mind. Too late. 

**__**

**_///Let's talk about sex, baby  
Let's talk about you and me  
Let's talk about all the good things  
And the bad things that may be  
Let's talk about sex  
Let's talk about sex  
Let's talk about sex  
Let's talk about sex///_**

(A/N: Don't own the lyrics) 

Itachi prepared himself for the ride of his life. 

And let me tell you. 

He wasn't disappointed. Not at all. 

Gaara's last thought_: 'I hate all Uchihas. I really do.'_

We believe you Gaara. But don't give up!!!! Sooner or later Naruto will also give you a lap dance! Just wait! Patience is a virtue! 

Oh, and Itachi Jr. was also very happy after the lap dance and the ten minute kiss. You do know, what I am talking about, ....right? ^_~ 

****

**TBC...**

Nyaaaaa, please review!! Did it suck? 

asa-chan 


	4. Sasuke Uchiha of the bad poems

**Show me the meaning of being in love**

A Naruto Fanfiction 

_By asa-chan_

**Warning:** R, Yaoi, perverseness, bad humor, OOCness 

**Pairing:** Everyone/Naruto..... 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it... 

**Note:** I'm really sorry about the late update! But alas I was busy (school, exams... Etc.)... I hope you will like this chappie! Oh and don't expect another update soon, because I'm going to visit Japan (Anime, I'm coming!!!!!) this summer for three weeks!! Muwahahahahaha! I love it! Please R&R!!! 

Oh and thanks to anyone who reviewed! I sadly can't answer, because this is against the rules of FFNet. Stupid..., but.... Once again, thanks! 

* * *

"Blah" - Speaking

_'Blah'_ - Thinking

* * *

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**-CHAPTER 4-**

****

****It was dramatic 

It was heartbreaking 

It was so sad 

It was a lover's spat!!! 

Well, technically no lover's spat, because Naruto and Sasuke weren't lovers (Buhuuu!!), but that's beside the ENTIRE point, and ignore Inner Sasuke's sobbing. 

"Sasuke, please don't be mad! I had no choice, but to kiss your brother! He practically forced me to do this!" Naruto defended himself, his arms crossed before him. 

"Oh yeah?!!! I bet you enjoyed this, didn't you! Kissing Itachi made you all hot and aching, huh! AM I RIGHT?! AREN'T I?!" Sasuke screeched loudly, pacing in circles, throwing a hissy fit. 

"That's.... coughs true, but this doesn't matter! Why are you so upset?!" 

"WHY??!! WHY?! YOU'RE ASKING WHY?! Because....!!!" Sasuke trailed off and looked at the ground. "Why him....., why him of all people!! We had a history together Naruto! I saved you, died for you, you saved me, nearly died for me!! And this doesn't mean ANYTHING to you?!! WHY?? My hated brother really get's anything! It's his fault why I'm cursed this way!! It's your fault Itachi, that I like frilly things! It's your fault that I get wet dreams about Orochimaru!!" 

"EEEEEEWWWWW!" Was the general reply. 

"Yes; EWW!! So why Naruto did you kiss Itachi and not me?! I NEED THE COMFORT!! **I**!! Not Itachi, that slimy weasel-thingy!! Kiss me!!! ME! Sasuke Uchiha!!" Sasuke snarled, eye twitching madly, pointing at himself. 

"Sasuke, dude, mate, amigo, friend, teammate, chico, bloke, buddy, I know that you're messed up, but that bad?" The blonde questioned, raising an eyebrow, taking cautiously a few steps back. 

"Oh yes!" Sasuke wailed loudly, fake tears running down his face, throwing his arms around himself. 

"It was simply terrible!!! My angst-filled, horrible, hellish, sad, heart-breaking, bad, not-good, terrible past shaped me to that being I am today!!!" The youngest Uchiha member cried, falling dramatically to his knees, sobbing. 

"Sasuke" Naruto deadpanned "You suck at acting. Quit it. I certainly won't pity you and shower you with affection and make sweet promises of eternal love." 

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_'Dammit!!'_ Inner Sasuke shouted, shaking his fist. _'This is all your fault! If you wouldn't suck at acting!' _

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_'Excuse me for sucking at acting!!' _Outer Sasuke replied, pouting. 

"Uh well, it was worth a try" Sasuke nonchalantly said, brushing off invisible dirt on his shorts, acting cool. _'But I won't give up! You're mine Naruto! Since you kissed me, you're mine! I will have my official kiss! Just you wait!'_

Gaara cleared his throat and stepped up to Naruto, green eyes twinkling. "After this matter is cleared..., I've a proposal to make..." The red-haired boy murmured, his cheeks tinted red, as he pulled out a little black box. 

Everyone's eyes widened a great deal and Naruto's breathing hitched. 

"G-gaara...!" Stuttered the vessel of the Kyuubi, blue eyes wide in shock. 

__

_'Am I old enough to marry?? Do I want to settle down? Oh my god!!! Sensory overload!!'_ Naruto's mind reeled. 

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_'My, that Gaara kid sure wants to claim his prize quickly....'_ Thought Kakashi, pondering. _'Hehe, I like that.'_ Parental urge to kinky perverseness: _'This is your under-age student! Don't think bad things like that!'_ Perverseness to parental urge: _'Does it look like I care? Hehehehe!'_ Parental urge: _'I give up. You're hopeless.'_

"Gaara, are you really, really, really serious about that? Aren't we too young for that....? I mean it's after all...., a very serious matter...." Konoha's number one hyperactive ninja questioned, twiddling with his fingers like Hinata always does. 

"No. In fact, I'd thought about this for a long time...." 

The blonde shinobi gulped loudly and sweated waterfalls. 

Gaara got on his knees and took Naruto's hand in his, looking up seriously. He opened the lid of the black box slowly and... 

"Naruto would you be so kind and kill people together with me in the holy act of murdering innocents?" 

...in the box was the eyeball of a fox. 

****

**Silence**

"Eh, Gaara you're a very sick boy...." Naruto answered and closed the box quickly, his face green. "So I've been told." Smirked the other shinobi smugly. 

"Maybe later?" The orange-clad genin suggested, sweatdropping. 

Gaara gasped and held back glistening tears, stumbling away from Naruto, holding his right hand to his chest. _'I was rejected by the person I love deeply!! My life is over!! Nothing matters anymore!!! Suicide I'm coming! Sweet, sweet death!'_

Man, Gaara was such a drama queen when he wanted to be. 

[Please note that the author knows that Gaara is so OOC it only makes the readers puke. Author apologizes.] 

"Naruto... does that mean you want to be with Gaara of the Sand in the future?" Neji quietly asked, gritting his teeth. 

"Sure, why not? He was after all the first one who proposed to me and everything, he is also a vessel of a demon and is kinda cute... and I bet that he has a great stamina too." The blonde shrugged, looking at his nails nonchalantly. 

Neji felt his heart breaking in tiny pieces at these words. Gaara brightened up and snapped out of his self-pitying and gloated, smirking superior at a glowering Sasuke, who was gritting his teeth together. Oh, the teenager angst and drama! 

"You mean it?" The long-haired genius of the Hyuga clan asked again. 

Naruto nodded without hesitation, bewildered. 

And Neji ran off crying, cursing fate, destiny and his own slowness, sobbing his poor aching heart out... 

As nice as this scene would be, it's entirely too OOC, even for me.... 

Meanwhile Sasuke was plotting a fool-proof plan! Yes, he was? Indeed, he was! He wanted Naruto Uzumaki, no matter what! And Uchihas always get what they wanted in the end, no questions asked. Hell yeah! 

So, that was the plan: To get Naruto Uzumaki in Sasuke's lonely (!!) and cold bed 

Problem Nr. 1: Gaara, strong and deadly. 

Problem Nr. 2: Naruto himself, who did not show any interest in Sasuke 

Problem Nr. 3: Sasuke was too horny to think up a good plan (He was after all a teenager! That was the excuse!) 

Solution: Use the advice of trashy romance novels!! Aka the return of the sought after Icha Icha Paradise Yaoi Edition!! /Choir sings in the background/ 

__

_'Hah! I am a genius after all!!! Take that Itachi no baka! In your face!! Muwahahaha!'_

Sasuke smirked and flipped through a book, called: "A sappy cliché, gay love-story in romantic surroundings with noisy and curious nagging onlookers, so fake and fluffy it only makes the reader sick " 

Love makes you act crazy and hey, that guy was desperate! 

__

_'I heard that serenading your loved ones will always make them appreciate their suitors....'_ Sasuke thought, brooding. _'Can I sing? Of course I can! I'm after all prince charming, as every girl calls me. This will be a piece of cake! I will be the new Paparotti!!'_

__

_'We don't need Naruto appreciating us! We need him under us, moaning, groaning, crying out in pure lust!! That is our main goal!! And just to add, when you try to sing you sound like a dying frog who has downed too many beers.'_ Inner Sasuke yelled. 

__

_'Keep it in your pants a bit longer! I'm working on it! And I do not sound like a dying frog! Take that back!'_ - Outer Sasuke 

__

_'You're too slow fool!!! Gaara has already proposed and Naruto said yes in his unique way! What can we do now?! And you do sound like a frog on crack!'_

__

_'I will think of something! Now shut up! I need to concentrate and don't need you whining and annoying me!!'_ - Outer Sasuke. 

__

_'Oh, can't the great Uchiha-sama think with his Inner personality raving around?? _

__

_Muwahaha, Sasuke Uchiha you're so pathetic and..., wait, I think I've just insulted myself... I will shut up for now, but I offer one last advice. Don't attempt to sing!!! He will run away screaming his pretty head off.'_ - Inner Sasuke remarked and fell silent. 

__

_'Pffft, well than I won't sing!'_

Inner Sasuke whooped._ 'I did it!_' He thought, proud of his argument talent. 

__

_'I will write him poetry and say it out loud! No one can resist my wonderful written works! '_ Gloated Outer Sasuke 

Inner Sasuke face-faulted. That had to hurt. 

"Soo..." Sasuke muttered under his breath. "Here I go!" He crackled his knuckles and picked up a pen. And began to write. Or at least tried to. 

**__**

**_'My loveliest Naruto...._**

**_Your blue/sometimes red eyes are like the color of Sakura's underwear_**..., nah, doesn't sound good..., okay, we use his hair.... 

**_My most beautiful Naruto..._ **

**_Your hair is the color of egg yolk on a fried egg... , I'm hungry...., hungry for you! _**Nah, sounds too straight forward...., we use his...., uh character... 

**_My most cutest Naruto..._ **

**_Your personality is so much like a much-on-his-head-fallen-monkey..._ **

_ARGH! It's so difficult!'_ - Outer Sasuke. 

__

_'You....'_, Inner Sasuke paused, _'Suck.'_

__

_'Then try!'_

__

_'Heh, it goes just like this---!'_ Smirked Inner Sasuke and clapped his hands together. _'Watch and learn from the master!'_

__

_'My angel Naruto...'_

Outer Sasuke had a nosebleed after reading the full poem. 

****

**/A few minutes later.../ **

****

Naruto was lounging around, bored and no love-sick ninja near him, when Sasuke ran up to him. "Sasuke?" Questioned the vessel of the Kyuubi, confused. 

His teammate cleared his throat and opened a small scroll, his face sweating. "Please listen to me Naruto..." '_I can do it! I can do it! I'm Sasuke Uchiha!'_ "Okay..." The blonde answered, scratching his head. 

"My angel Naruto 

You look so fuckable 

My length in your mouth 

Oh hail the glory of morning sex!" 

(A/N: Oh my god! I'm blushing. faints) 

Immediately Naruto blushed scarlet, punched Sasuke' face with all his might and stomped away, huffing. Seemed like that even Naruto's 'morality' had it's limits... 

__

_'Owwww!'_ Groaned Outer Sasuke in pain. 

__

_'Look at the bright side, at least he hadn't used the Rasengan, full power!'_ Inner Sasuke soothed, sweatdropping. 

__

_'He thinks I'm a perverted pervert now!'_ - Outer Sasuke 

__

_'You are a perverted pervert'_ - Inner Sasuke reminded him. 

__

_'Oh..., hey, you're right!'_

Inner Sasuke shook his head and bemoaned the stupidity of his outer half. 

__

_'Get up and look for Naruto, you moron! We can't waste any time!'_

------------------- 

Meanwhile Naruto was sitting in front of the Hokage monuments, playing with his Ninja-headband. The wind played with his golden spiky locks as he looked over the village, blue eyes cloudy..., a frown on his face... 

He sat still for a second longer, before his face nearly split up with a ear-reaching grin 

__

_'Buwahahahaha!! I just can't act like the typical teenager=Angst!! Why waste my time with angsting? I have to snog all cute boys around here!'_

My, full of determination that boy, isn't he? At least he has his eyes set on a very good goal! 

We are all behind you Naruto! 

"Naruto!" A voice cried out behind him and he turned around, not expecting to see his perverted teammate Sasuke Uchiha running up to him. 

Naruto narrowed his eyes in suspicion and warily took a few steps back. 

"What do you want?" 

Sasuke's chest was heaving with every breath he took, his hair messy, a desperate expression on his face. After a few seconds he was breathing normal again. The black-haired boy stared at Naruto, a maniacal gleam in his eyes. 

"You still have to kiss me Naruto! You did this to all other boys, but me!! **And **you want to keep your promise right? RIGHT?" 

"Sasuke..., sorry, but I never promised. I, after all, kissed Itachi and he was ten times more of a better kisser than you are. We win some, we lose some. And you're not really my type, you're sooo betrayer-ish. At least Gaara understands me." Naruto shrugged with his shoulders and watched as Sasuke's face got more and more crimson every second. 

__

_'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!'_ Both Sasukes. 

[The author decided to use Naruto's dialogue to have Gaara pop up] 

"Well, well, well Uchiha, seems like the better man has won" And Gaara spread his arms open to welcome Naruto in his familiar warmth. The blonde smiled, mouthed a sorry to the distraught Sasuke and both rode away on a white stallion [Which was, in fact, a white painted donkey, but the author is poor and also that is besides the point] off to the sunset [Which was made of cardboard]. 

But this was the wrong script anyway, so forget everything the dumb author wrote. 

Just for your infomation, Gaara did pop up and walked off with Naruto. 

Sasuke fell to his knees (again) and was in a huge shock. 

Crickets chirped 

A tumbleweed rolled by 

...the over-used clichés suck... 

__

_'I don't get to kiss Naru-chan!'_

After a few minutes, he recovered partly and promptly decided that this was all Itachi's fault. 

Somehow. 

Hey, it's easier! 

__

_'Damn you Itachi!'_ Sasuke's mind screamed and he took out his WIHTKI (Why I have to kill Itachi) list and scribbled something down. 

Sasuke's WIHTKI-List: 

- Murderer of my parents 

- Better looking than me 

- More powerful than me 

- Got more fangirls than me 

- Older brother 

- My tormentor and cause of the nightmares from hell (Short-peeing included!) 

- One of the receivers of Naruto's kisses 

- He's alive! 

"ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH!!!" 

Well, let's leave Sasuke and stalk Naruto and Gaara..., it's safer anyway. 

--------------- 

**/Naruto's POV/ **

Now I was sitting on a bench, in an abandoned park with Gaara besides me. We watched how cherry blossoms drifted past us, love was practically in the air. Or sexual tension, if we include how much Gaara was pressed up against me and groping me. 

Un...yeahhhhhhhh 

He was pretty straight forward.... Rrrrr, I like that... 

"Ne Gaara, are you really sure about marrying?" I asked him and arched my back as Gaara's talented hand ghosted over a nipple. 

"Of course. There can you show me everything you want." He replied and his breath tickled my sensitive neck. 

I gasped and tried to hold him back. "But Gaara...,we need to get to know each other more...!" 

"No problem!" Gaara smirked smugly at me and whipped out a stack of paper, right under my nose, out of nowhere. 

"There, my curriculum vitae, mission records, school career, birth certificate, a few prints out of my diary, ready for you to read through them! A shinobi has to be prepared for everything after all!" He stated. "I also have lube and condoms in all flavors!" He added as an 

afterthought. 

"Wow!" I stated, sweatdropping. Gaara preened himself on it. 

"I also have the papers for same-sex marriages!" 

I sweatdropped more. Okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, he's getting freaky.... 

"Ne Naruto can we have sex after you read through all of this? Ne?" Gaara asked me eagerly, with the excitement of a small child. 

"I guess so...." I replied uncertainly. 

Sex-obsessed..., hey cool! 

__

_'YES! SCORE! YOU'RE DA MAN!'_ Shukaku screamed and whooped. 

The red-head turned his head around, tears of joy streaming out of his eyes. 

__

_'Finally! No longer a virgin!! Take that Kankuro! I will have sex sooner than you! In your ugly face! Muwahahahahaha!!' _

"But..." 

__

_'NOOOOOOOOOOO! No buts!' _Shukaku, the sex-deprived demon wailed. 

"But before that we have to discuss another rule! Trust!!!" 

A sign popped up, with the word: **Trust** on it, underlined heavily. 

"Trust is the basic of a relationship! I first have to test your loyalty and truthfulness to me Gaara!" I bellowed, stood up, dragged the redhead to the middle of the park and fell forward towards the sand ninja. 

Gaara, of course, sidestepped. 

I hit the dirt. 

"Owwwwww!" 

"Naruto? Are you okay?" Gaara's voice, puzzled, shook me out of my pain-influenced state. 

"Just peachy..., I think we have to work on trust..." 

****

**TBC...**

Not very good I think.... 

asa-chan


End file.
